Take a look around. This is something you won't soon forget

Getting ready to go back to MSKCC (the outpatient hospital, not the main hospital where my surgery occurred) on Monday for my first follow-up visit, I thought it was worth reflecting on the stark contrast in emotions I will have on Monday compared to the hospital visits leading up to surgery.  First things first, I am the kind of person that hates hospital.  I don't like things that smell sterile.  As an athlete, I don't think I've ever received good news in a hospital, and few pieces of bad news beat "it might be cancerous."  What I hate just as much is the anxiety of some kind of bad event to come; like waiting to be operated on.  Each time I visited my doctor before the surgery I had the same gut feeling: just get this over with.

Now, I am visiting with the worst behind me, and with the hope that my doctor will feel I am well on my way to being fully recovered.  But, often times you are far too close to a situation to really understand the severity of what has occurred.  To me, it was doctor's visit after doctor's visit, and then the eventual morning of surgery, and then the handful of days recovering in the hospital.  In order to handle such large events, mentally you need to break them down (take it one at a time, everyone says).  But, when you look back, it is inevitable that you will have a "holy shit" moment.  A mere two weeks ago there was a cancer living in my body, and in order to remove it, they knocked me out and cut out a 7 inch X 7 inch chunk out of my side.  They rearranged my insides so that I could resume a normal life.  When I'm 45 I will always remember this time of my life as a major turning point.

As I prepare to return to the outpatient facility at MSKCC, I am anxious to see if I'll look at the offices, waiting room, etc. in a different light, or if the previous memories from before the surgery will override that.  Regardless, it will all serve as additional detail to what will eventually be turned into a memory of the entire experience.  Surrounded by 70, 80, 90 year olds throughout my visits with the doctors, and the eventual operation, I have a feeling this is something not too many 22 year olds have the opportunity(?) to go through.  As my aunt said to me before the surgery, soak up the journey for all that it offers.  Just call me spongebob.

Matt